I want to suck that dick but would never take it in the ass.
- If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. - If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just
think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. - If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ
ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits.
Anything else and you are in training and undeniably becoming a fag. - If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. - If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will
never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte
to your lips, you've had a man there, too. - If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be
handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his
brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you
know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious. - If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
